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ROI: The Musical

by WhaleHawk

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1.
Born in the year of 1747 (48) English philosopher named Jeremy Bentham (one of the greats) Looked at society and asked the question, All of the downtrodden, who would protect them? Had the idea, a pretty novel suggestion, He could use data to destroy oppression, If there’s a number that can give an impression, The body politic would make a correction, There’s a number out there - to make things better There’s a number out there - to make more cheddar There’s a number out there - to fix society, whether it works or not remains to be seen, There’s a number
2.
CEO - Sector growth needs to scale across the entire organization in Q3 to leverage…. CHORUS - “We need leads!” CEO - Interdepartmental projections misdelivered their quotas by a margin less than…… CHORUS - “Sales is down!” CEO - We stand committed to honoring our initiatives and the partnerships we originally….. CHORUS - “Outlook’s bleak!” CEO - We’re actively looking for opportunities to leverage business development CHORUS - “Sales is hounding and pounding the door, as the bottomline bleeds, we need leads!
3.
V - Saturation, penetration, intersecting warm leads, spreadsheets, stand-ups, eyeballs, quick briefs, agile & sticky, clicking on your Wiki, logging in & out and back again and getting busy! CEO - What the hell are you talking about? CMO - That all sounded way too sexual. Try again Vince. V - Strategies, scorched Earth, campaigns, battle field, hacking, kicking ass, crushing ninjas at the boot camp, military grade, killer instinct, invade, executing orders supporters are getting upgrades. Casey - I liked that! CMO - Still, it’s all very - militaristic - don’t you think? Explain marketing in a way maybe the CEO can understand V - Loyalty, purpose, nurturing experience, Mission-based journeys, turning up the cheeriness, Telling the millenials we think about em often, Influencing futures, solving the world’s problems
4.
ROI 01:06
ROI - ROI - don't know why it’s the only thing my heart desires. When I’m curled up in my spreadsheet, I can count on being here next week, Just as long as I prove ROI, Don’t ask why don’t be that guy, Just show the growth and a reason to boast, We cook these books, they’re basically toast, We’re looking good and it’s understood through ROI! Have you seen the latest numbers yet?
5.
V - I’ve got some great content that’s gonna solve this problem. C - Really? Since no one even knows what you do, I think it’s up to Sales V - But, the boss says we need to work together - we need to leverage, something... C - Between us, what’s to leverage? VERSE C - Sales is obvious, Revenue is obvious, But what you do’s not obvious, It seems like all you do is write a bunch of stuff that no one reads. V - Marketing is obvious, We create an audience, Without us sales is a total shill, We provide the reasons that compel the leads to close a deal C - That’s cute V - It’s true C - don’t forget why we’re here… V - ROI huh? Leads - BRIDGE V - Can we be more balanced, In the way we build this palace, Everythings a funnel when you’re visions just a tunnel it’s all just a means to a lead C - That’s really great - another blog post to write on, While that content loads, who keeps the lights on, We sell or else, we’re off the shelf V - If we work together, C - We work towards the wealth, CHORUS Sales, and marketing Two different sides of the same damn thing, From messaging to measuring, We’re leveraging love Sales and marketing, Doin what we can to keep us in the green, From growing the brand to making sales, We’ll go nowhere if we don’t both prevail, Working together like hands in glove - We’re leveraging love.
6.
RO-Why 02:17
In the beginning - there was the number and the word, Two different ways, of making sense of the world Words describe and frame, our pleasures and our pains, Numbers tell us what we’ve got, and what we have to gain But somewhere back in the day, We traded in the things that we say For numbers and digits, Cos when we make decisions We never let those words get in the way CHORUS RO-Why, are we doing this? Oh you guys are really screwing this - up Maybe the return on investment we seek Isn’t in a column or a row on a sheet RO-Why are we marketing? With a why, we are hearkening, To a simpler time, at the start of things If you’re living life by the measurements, You’ll never do something for the hell of it So it’s ROWhy, before ROI - RO-WHY
7.

about

A time-traveling, genre-spanning, thought-leading, comedy musical experience about marketing and sales that’s sure to enchant anyone in business that’s ever asked, “RO-Why are we doing this?”

credits

released March 23, 2020

Featuring -
Scott Monty, as Donaldson Brown
Neon Brown, as Jeremy Bentham
Ryan Wallman, as The CEO
Casey Clark, as Head of Sales
Jeremy Most, as The CMO
C. Vincent Plummer, as Marketing Director

Scored, written, directed, and produced for audio by Jacob Sanders

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all rights reserved

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about

WhaleHawk Denver, Colorado

The shufflings and musical musings of Mr. Jacob D. Sanders.

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